But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
