ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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