bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
