Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
