If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
