fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
