Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i've created a new STD.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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