woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
