Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
