Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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