Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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