She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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