I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
