why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
