$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
