No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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