come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
