the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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