Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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