Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
