Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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