We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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