Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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