I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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