Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
