Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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