can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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