Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.