i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
even my farts smell like vagina
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
