What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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