My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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