i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
