Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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