so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
