just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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