i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
