Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she looked like the before picture.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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