you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize