ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
