chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
