we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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