Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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