dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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