Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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