Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
