I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
