he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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