Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize