This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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