wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
