OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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