Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
