but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
