Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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