you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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