Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
