I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
