Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
