I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dick very happy bro
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
