fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
