If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
