Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize