we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You brought string cheese to the strip club
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
