remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nutella sex= disaster
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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