This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
