dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
