so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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