Can Purell be used as lube?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
