Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
