Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
