Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
