something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
