i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
