You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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