dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he puts the penis in happiness.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
