I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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